Dear Sorcha, I have no one else to turn to and I hear you are the best. I’m having serious problems in the bedroom and I need your help. My problem is quite embarrassing, so please be kind. Basically, when I get into bed beside my boyfriend I always need to fart just before I go to sleep. I’ve tried everything to stop the problem, like avoiding vegetables and bran before I hit the sack and spending ages on the toilet, trying to empty the bay doors, but no matter [...]
Tag Archives | sorcha
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuilleabhain Age 9
Hi Sorcha, I’ve been going out with a girl for six months now and I’m starting to think she doesn’t like me – and I don’t mean, doesn’t like some of the things I do, or gets annoyed at me sometimes, I mean… I think she hates me. Three weeks ago, I was playing Dungeons and Dragons with both of my friends, when all the lights went out in my flat. I took out my emergency torch (I used to be a boy scout – be prepared!) when someone with [...]
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuilleabhain Age 9
Dear Sorcha, I’m the General-President of UL’s top Modern Warfare 3 clan, which means my girlfriend, who is a statuesque blonde often has to spend evenings and weekends alone and this makes me feel terribly guilty. But as we say in our philosophy module, ‘Bros before Hoe’s’. Some Greek guy called Plate said it first I think. Thankfully, my girlfriend has struck up a friendship with a rugby player in the flat next to her’s in halls. Martin is a great guy, being selfless enough to allow my girlfriend to keep him company in the evenings, now [...]
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuilleabhain Age 9
Dear Sorcha, Graffiti in the senior common room ladies loos has it that My PhD supervisor, Professor ****** ** ************* (name redacted by Studenty’s lawyers), an unmarried lady in the twilight of her life, hasn’t been biblically acquainted with a person of the opposite sex for nigh on 300 years, if ever. Instead, she spends her evenings sipping gin laced Cup-a-Soups in the comfort of her housecoat and slippers and stroking her beloved pussy. However, the college has recently recruited a rather charming grey haired ex-prisoner for a gardening position and its clear to everyone that these two are [...]
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuilleabhain Age 9
Dear Sorcha, I’ve just started at Mary I and am doing Media Studies with Aromatherapy. I never dated in secondary school because I was saving myself for the man I’d marry, however moving to Limerick from the Tipperary hill country has really opened my eyes to big city life and I must admit, I’ve been a bit carried away. I went to confession and got absolution; however the priest couldn’t answer this question for me. If I went out with my first serious boy-friend for six weeks and three days and it has [...]
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuilleabhain Age 9
Dear Sorcha, Although I’m brilliant in every way and have always been an over-achiever, I can’t seem to attract the attention in class, of the male lecturer who’s taking this term’s most important module; ‘Employees and How To Mess With Their Heads’. Short of offering oral, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do to get ahead. Do you think there’s any strategy I can adopt which doesn’t involve me putting his you-know-what in my you-know-where? Louisa MSc Occupational Psychology UL Dear Louisa, It’s difficult to be best in [...]
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuilleabhain Age 9
Dear Sorcha, I’ve just started a business studies degree at UL and I seem to have attracted the attentions of another business studies 1st Yr, who I’m also sharing halls with. Unfortunately, she’s from a remote part of Donegal that I can’t even pronounce and is a bit dim. She insists on canvassing for Dana and has plastered Dana posters all over our apartment, which has now become a destination for cheap laughs for all. I can’t shake her off and she’s been asking me questions like, where do babies [...]
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuilleabhain Age 9
Dear Sorcha, I have a very vigorous and somewhat extreme sex life with my live-in lover / sex slave. Recently I agreed to let my civil partner relinquish his naked slave duties around our flat in halls and in return, encouraged him to attend a line dancing class in our student centre. He is rather over-weight and he had suggested that some vigorous exercise would do him good. However, the other evening, as I was passing the student centre with our darling chihuahua Trixie-Belle McGuinness, I happened to cast a glance through the window of the student centre and caught [...]
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuillibhean Aged 9
Dear Sorcha, I’m heading back to UL shortly to try my hand at the Occupational Psychology MSc. I really like the idea of f**king with people’s minds and getting paid for it. My last ex said I was a head wrecking bitch so I figure in this difficult economy, I need to upskill. However, all my hard-won cred at UL is now in jeopardy because my younger brother is entering first year at UL and is a screaming queen, which I know is fine in Dublin, but will go down worse than a fresher [...]
Your Problems Solved by Sorcha Ni Shuilleabhain Agony Aunt Age 9
Dear Sorcha, I’ve been big-boned all my life and no matter how hard I try, I simply cannot shift the pounds. I’ve started reading women’s magazines in the hope that their pervasive and sinister message will somehow filter into my psyche and stop me from being so repulsive. If that doesn’t work I might even have to consider reducing my vast daily intake of smokey bacon flavour Tayto crisps, or even try to walk to the chip shop of an evening. Is it because of my genes? Eimear, Mary I Dear [...]
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